Bro Recipe #1: "Sometimes it's ok to go in dry"
I'll be honest: Yes, I'm a bro. I love beer. I love barbecue. Let me reiterate that last sentence: I love barbecue so much I would fuck it so hard. I would let barbecue fuck me. Seriously. As a a "Bro", barbecue is an ingredient that makes us who we bros are. So, I'm about to put a twist on the Brobecue as we know it.
BBQ is supposed to be sloppy. It's supposed to be wet, messy, and needing of many paper towels. Barbecue. We've all heard the term "dry rub", and we all scoff about that. "It's not real barbecue", "fuck that shit, I like it sloppy".
Well, I'll be honest, most of those quotes came from my own personal mouth-hole. You know....because Bro. Well, it hasn't happened since about 2003, but I'm going to admit something: " I may have been wrong". I decided to get crazy, and try some new techniques out over the past few months. What follows is not an excuse to abandon traditional bbq, but rather an alternative to amazing bbq manliness. Here's the lesson learned:
Sometimes, with proper planning (read foreplay), your results could create more taste, more drool, more juices, more passion than you could ever imagine.
After a few attempts, here's the details of what changed my entire belief system. Play these cards right, and your woman (or potential suitor) will be absolutely blown away with your skills. And, note: I'm making ribs in a Goddamn oven. I'm a modern day fucking Aristotle.
Let's Get Dry:
Step 1: Buy some fucking ribs. Spare Ribs are awesome, and incredibly cheap. However, if you decide to buy Baby Back Ribs, it'll be even better. Just use about 15% less cook times that I'll discuss.
Step 2: Set Oven on "Broil High". Now, we're going to create that fucking rub: I don't measure things, so, ummmm....sorry. But, here's the general list: equal parts brown sugar and seasoned salt. Now, each of the rest is about half of those two things. List goes like this: black pepper, red pepper, paprika, cinnamon, Chesapeake Bay Seasoning. Mix all those things in a bowl or paper plate or something, then massage the shit out of your ribs with it. Seriously, hit ever crevice, every nook, every fucking cranny. Massage that meat like your Great-Grandma massaged your Great-Grandfather's disgusting feet.
Step 3: Line an oven tray, or something like that, with aluminum foil (please pronounce like a Brit: Al-you-min-ee-um. Because Better Bro). Pour a bit of Stubb's Beef Marinade and a bit of chicken stock for your rack to sit in. Also, drop a few drops of liquid smoke on your rack. Just because it's a dry rub, doesn't mean our meat is gonna be dry.
Step 4: Place on top shelf in pre-heated Broil oven, just inches from heating element for 5 minutes. Gotta brown that shit!!! NO MORE THAN 5 MINUTES!!!!!
Step 5: Add all the rest of the sexy ingredients: chopped onions, chopped garlic, habanero pepper, rosemary, basil (hopefully, you're growing your own like a BOSS).
Step 6: Set oven to 300 degrees. Place Rib Goodness on middle shelf in oven. Regular rack of spare ribs, figure on 2 - 2.5 hours, baby-back ribs, plan on 1.5 - 2 hours of cook time.
Step 7: Let rest about 10 minutes. (Even cooked meat needs some "me-time")
Step 8: Add some awesome mac n cheese (Bro Recipe for those coming up soon), greens, or something awesome.
Step 9: Drizzle with a bit of good Olive Oil. That shit is amazing, and you fucking know it. I'd love to hear your thoughts.
Bro-Pics:
Right before entering that sexy, pre-heated oven. Onions, garlic, habanero, green onions included.
Right after 5 minutes of "broiling". Add rosemary, basil, a bit more brown sugar. You can see those great darkened spots after just 5 minutes of broiling.
After 2 hours at 300 degrees. Seriously, this is the best my condo has ever smelled:
Let it all rest for 10 minutes, chop it up, add badass mac n cheese:
