Getting Laid: 101
Getting Laid: 101
So, now that I'm in this new "in a relationship" status gimmick, I don't see myself using any moves on anyone else for some time. I write this for those who may need a little help in the women department. I hope these help.
Girls love compliments. That's a no-brainer. But, you must realize, a good looking girl probably receives her share of compliments. I'm all for it, but, let’s be honest: give a girl a compliment, and she'll appreciate it. Tell a girl she should consider a nose job, and she won't forget you any time soon. I usually find the compliment/insult approach works swimmingly. i.e. "Damn your ass looks good in those jeans, girl. But, seriously, a little makeup wouldn't kill you". Or "wow, your hair looks fantastic tonight, but, ummm....maybe you should wear something else? You kinda look fat".
Always prepare (everywhere) as if you're getting a blowjob tonight. That means regular manscaping, and seriously, if you've pooped during the day, take another freaking shower. You never know what odor may waft upwards, and it’s unlikely that the broccoli, salmon and rice pilaf you had for lunch will still smell appetizing when it’s in the form of an underwear “skidmark”. It's like the boyscouts: "always be prepared". Just don't go down on your scout leader. That's just really unmanly, to say the least.
Pickup lines are really corny. Unless, they're really corny pickup lines. Just make sure you have good delivery. Practice in front of a mirror. If you make yourself laugh, you've got it. Also, your tag says you're "Made in Heaven".
Never tell a girl you're good in bed. It only leads to high expectations. I like to do the opposite, and tell her I’m horrible. If a girl expects you to be bad in bed, and still sleeps with you, it's no surprise when you're, well.....bad in bed.
No girl is out of your reach. Remember, even the hottest girl gets diarrhea sometimes.
Never try too hard. I can't stress this enough. Never try too hard.
Not to sound like a hypocrite, but also never be afraid to close the deal. This is where everyone goes wrong. I prefer the "soft close", like "how bad do you want to kiss me right now?" or, the classic "you are so freaking hot", *leans in and kisses* "but, damn, can we do something about your breath?"
Eye contact from across the bar is only good if you do something about it.
Top Shelf vodka will get you everywhere you need to be. Toss in some Red Bull, and it may get you there twice.
* Update: November, 2016. Relationship status: Single. Gotta dust off some of those moves....
